UGLY Man kind

Dear Diary,

I have always thought I have a way with people. At least I was that miss popular since school and during my part time work. I never have trouble dealing with people with that what I thought good PR skill of mine. Everyone has always praised me of my good PR skills...but so what? No matter how good you are, you can't be invincible.

Lately with all that happenings around me, with all the things I see, I guess I finally got a little more mature.. finally get to realise how the ugly this society is.. I suddenly hate it.. or rather I find man so scary...

I am obviously bothered by how people can smile to you in front of you, love you so dearly, and yet on the other hand give you a stab on your back...

I finally got woken from my sweet dream of this lovely society filled with kind souls...

I was talking to Alan, and he was surprise how affected was... he never thought I would be affected with my good PR skills... well, I guess i was pretty disgusted by man kind that suddenly felt so tired. I felt so tired of having to wear a mask everyday, to 'entertain' everyone around you. Is this really life?

No one is your best friend. I feel the loneliness that I never ever felt before for the 20 over yrs... and this feeling sucks..

You can do something out of good will but get reprimanded and have the whole world putting blame on you. Suddenly you are the scrape goat.. and worst you make your only good friend involved in the hot soup. How guilty can you get? Now, you dunno if you are really forgiven... So what if it's not exactly your fault... So what if You may be equipped with the best PR skills, but with any minute of distraction, you will be the next scrape goat.. One moment you are smiling, and the next moment you are a goner...

Unlike the past, you won't be rewarded like a little gal for doing your job well, well at least you would be given a pat on your back for doing something well.

In reality, in this cruel society, no one would appreciate all the good jobs you have done, in fact it would only aroused people's jealousy who would make more effort to tramped you from the lime light. The better you are, the more danger you are in.

How digressing... So what do you get eventually? Nothing but talents being 'killed' and devils who merely know how to 'SA KAR' (people who only knows how to lick the bosses boots) get all the benefits.

What is the world coming to?

Then you tell yourself, hey you are a big gal already.... but deep inside, you wish you never grew up. You wish you are still the protected little princess... unfortunately this princess is now trapped in a dark jungle watched with pairs of glaring eyes waiting to pounce on you when you let your gut down.

Felt so exhausted.. so exhausted....
Dear fairy god mother, pls bring back the sunshine in me...
I wish, I wish i am the small little girl once again curdling in those strong arms...

Sorry Carl

Dear Diary,

It had been months since yours truly ended the what seem short relationship…

It was kinda upsetting… or was it guilt… at least the sin was amended…for it’s blessing in disguise. It is kinda expected… it probably never was meant to be… she still recall the reason the blog was created 2 years back. The heart was kinda crushed when Carl says he is leaving for Swiss then later to Germany when things just worked out...

The world collapsed when even buddies decided to leave at the same time. The entire world seems to have deserting the little one. The feeling, where you once owned everything and in less than a week you lost almost everything.

Despite how painful it is to let all your treasured people leave you, you would still bite on your lips, smile and say Go on, you do not have to worry. Everything is going to be ok. You should concentrate on your career.

The pain was unbearable then... it was bleeding... Obviously that stage was overcome way back.

Many said this long distance relationship would not have last despite the fact that he had been waiting for her to untie the dead knot buried within her before walking together. As hard as it was prayed that the relationship would last, the drift can be felt…maybe it’s the latter… maybe she was never ready…maybe she had never untie the knot…it’s a dead knot after all…

May Carl be blessed with happiness…

The xmas tree in office...

Dear Diary,

Looking at the xmas tree reminds me of my 3 babies...

Still cant get used to working life without them... Miss wen's laughter, TL's grin and darren's bickering and that cheeky smile...Miss the lunch session with them.... sob sob...

The xmas tree in office set up by me and my babies...it's human size, pretty huge.. and we got to fxed each pines, decos and lightings... kinda tedious.. but was fun and interesting... usually had those ready xmas tree.. first time fixing one from scratch... thanks to Baby Darren, he was quite experience in it... Lucky there was CW and FC ard too.. not too bad..

I like it...

Cheerios...

Merry Christmas to ALL...

Just for my 3 Beloved Babies...

Dear Diary,

It's the last day for my 3 babies... was extremely down.. dread this day's coming.. wish I could halt time... but there's nothing much I can do...

3 weeks earlier, I cracked my nut shell to think of something to make for my 3 babies... something that I don't buy off the shelves... it has to be something special, something different, something sincere and personalised that would touched them...

Wen being the only gal... obviously is my favourite baby... haha.. so after many sleepless nights... I thought I would give her a personalised pouch since her red one seems pretty old le... =p So I bought a pouch but only to realised it is probably big enuff only for coin.. haha.. but anyhow, I was thinking how I should personalised it.. and it just came across to me that I shld buy little diamonds studs to form her name... As such I made another trip to china town to look for suitable studs...

Finally I found them.. but geez... it's expensive.. 2 studs for a dollar... it's DIAMOND man... but I thought it's worth while cuz it's gng to be pretty... and that would make her name "EXPENSIVE".. makes much sense.. Then got home and spend 2 days sticking the studs and drying it...Phew.. i thought it was nice... hope she likes it... and finally drew a nice bookmark for her... I love her innocence like the cartoon I have drawn.. ever so sweet...

Then there is Baby richard... whom always have "RUnning out of luck" on his MSN nick.. so i thought I would make him luck stars.. with my blessing in each.. and a total of 99 to signify never ending... Geez.. his present took me quite abit of time and cuz the stars got to be super tiny to be able to squeeze into the bottle my fingers were aching and gone swollen... Of course I also made my signature bookmark for him.. unfortunately cuz I wasn't being patient while doing, there's some flaws.... but it's the thought tt counts..

Lastly, there's Baby Darren... His was a total headache. The initial plan was to have his name floating in a test tube to signify that he would success in life floating in the 'air' sort... cuz he was not doing as well in school as expected so thought the gift would serve as a motivation for him... but unfortunately I failed... I was utterly disappointed.

Though I knew the success rate for this is not high but i was very careful in every steps, yet... haiz.. due to the lack of time, I got no other choice but made him flowers instead which doesn't signify anything... nonetheless I put much effort and care into each flower made. On top of that I have also made a huge bookmark for him.

Though the time taken to make the book mark is not as much as wen's but It took me quite a bit of effort too. Hopefully he like it.. Still feel kinda guilty but pray that he could feel the same amount of sincerity as those i put in for the rest...

Phew... felt so happy when I gave them the gifts.. hope they would appreciate it... cuz it's all handmade form the bottom of my heart. Well not sure about the guys.. but wen was touched... and saw the way she took care of the bookmark... I am grinning u bet...

till I blog again ... take care..

Love you Babies..
Keep in touch, you know the number to dial....

HAPPY B IRTHDAY MUMMY!

Dear Diary,

5th December... Mummy's birthday...

Bro can't make it home to celebrate with mummy...

Bought a juice extractor for mummy as her bdae present. Hmm.. but somehow it didn't work so went with Mummy to Vivo to change for something else. Gotta a slow cooker in the end...

The people at BIG was nice and friendly, I must say. When I complain about the product, they did the credit note for me and was very polite. It was kinda expected. My bro actually asked me to go down to make a big fuss if they refused to exchange, and I went down with that mentality and constantly remind myself to act fierce. Hehe... which was all unnecessary...
Anyhow, after the exchange, daddy called.

Argh... he called kinda early to pick us up. I wanted to bring mummy for a ride of cable car... since she has not done so for ages... Geez.. wat a spoilt spot...

Daddy arrived. We hopped in and I told daddy my plan. Daddy promptly says, "why not". It's Mummy's birthday afterall. Plus being a part timer at mount faber I am entitled to get free rides.

As such, we drove up to mount faber and took the ride. At the same time, we went to see the snow party at mount faber. For all those who don' t know there's snow party at mount faber at the month of December at 8.30pm ,9.30pm and 10.30pm.There are also santa and elves... Pretty cool...dinning in the snow.. how romantic..

So we sort of had a different birthday celebration for mummy. Cable car rides with supper. Hahaha...

To think mummy was afraid of heights.. and she felt like puking after the ride.. hahaha... but she said she was happy... I hope so.. Wanted to give her a different surprise.. but turn out a little otherwise.. =p

Never mind... It's the thought that counts... hehe..

Okie, here's some photos...

Daddy and mummy in the cable car...

Hehe... so sweet eh...

The birthday Kiss...

Me and mummy...

At mount faber after the snow show...
They are just so loving...
How envious.. hahah

Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!! May you stay happy and pretty always..Love ya...

Sarang Heyo

Dear Diary,

Sarang Heyo

I am a POOR PRINCESS

Dear Diary,

It was one another of those times when someone asked you for help and you do not know how to reject him/her.

Honestly, I was in much dilemma when Aunty Susan called me the second time this week to borrow for more money. Days earlier, Aunty susan contacted me out of the blue.. After the long period of not keeping in touch, I was quite taken aback by the sudden call. She told me a whole series of her plight, her tragedy. Apparently her husband met up with an accident and she injured her elbow. Plus she is currently jobless.

She told me she is desperately in need of money and needed it badly to pay for her medical consultation fees that could easily cost up to 40 bucks per session.

Without second word, I lend her the 100 bucks.. but it’s just few days later, she called me again to ask for money. This time, I am more concerned. She told me whole lot of story before I could say anything. I did not answer her but merely saying, “I see” in acknowledgement that I am listening out of courtesy.

I guess she got the hint and simply apologized that she hold up too much of my time and hang up. Upon which, I felt kind of uneasy. I mean, somehow I can sense that she really needed the money. She sounded so sincere plus she did not asked for an unreasonable amount. I was feeling sort of guilty for not helping her. What if she is for real?

I am troubled. Maybe it is due to my past experience of going through the period of being filthy rich and pampered like a princess and yet the next moment so poor that you have to eat humble pies around and beg for sympathy. Fortunately for myself, when my world turns gray I had guardian angels around me to shine light and provide me with little miracles to keep my life going. This could be the main reason why I could not bring myself to reject her for I know how grateful one would be when you lend a helping hand.

Yet I was cheated before, not once or twice but a couple of times. Being nice and giving people the benefit of the doubt do not always pays off well. What you get in return might be betrayal of trust and hurt, worst friendship. Money is something so wonderful yet at the same time something so scary, so scary that it brings out the greed, the ugly side of mankind.

I was in much dilemma as you can tell. I could not concentrate working, staring on my computer screen yet my minds were floated with scenes of Aunty Susan’s plight. It went to the point that I cannot no longer hold it and went over to Baby wen for opinion. Baby Darren happen to be around as well and gave his piece of opinion too. I ponder over what was said and thought they were very right. I cannot help her forever, I decided to help her daughter look for a part time job first while I offer her another 100 bucks to keep her going for at least another week or so. Then make sure she gets a job as soon as she recovers from her elbow.

Maybe I am too soft when people come forward to ask for help and yet in the end I was taken for granted. I wished I could splurged and help them like I did in the past but I cannot afford to do so now. For gods sake, I am now just a plain Jane, that holds a 8-5 job with some miserable income, I am not any loaded princess that goes around giving free ‘treats’. I am nothing but a tattered and torn princess if you must say. I have my limitations with all the commitments.

Henceforth, in future I must tell myself I would still help but not in term of monetary.
This ought to be my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION!

Forgive & Forget

Dear Diary,

Was working in island over the weekends… Was talking to Shir and found out that she had an argument with sister M. Sister M, a friend she had since she was 8 years old, kind of backstab her. FYI, sister M is in her 30s and she is Shir’s tutor when she was a little gal (Shir is 23). They knew each other for almost 15 years. Shir has always respected Sister M and even introduced her into the island to work as a guide. Shir has always been on Sister’s M side, even when the rest of the Co-workers didn’t really welcome her. Maybe Sister M didn’t mean to back stab, or rather back stab is too strong a vocabulary to describe sister M. She is actually a pretty nice lady. Pretty friendly too, just that she may be a little protective over herself. I do not see any problem in that of course. Nothing very wrong. Everyone has their strength and weaknesses. No doubt in this incident, Sister M indirectly caused some hurt to Shir but maybe if you think back she probably did not want that.

Shir was upset obviously. She felt that she can no longer trust sister M; she can no longer maintain the friendship with her. She lost the respect she always has for Sister M.

I agree with Shir, that it is easy to FORGIVE people, but it is never easy to FORGET the hurt that was done.

I saw how sister M tried to strike conversation with Shir and ended up with all the cold shoulders. I could feel that she meant to repent, to amend and ask for forgiveness.

As such, I decided to help them. I am one that treasures friendship a lot and I didn’t bear to see Sister M being so helpless. Afterall, Sister M has helped me once; so this is the time to return her favour.

Anyhow after much talking and persuading, they hug and make up.

I am so happy that I have done a good deed.

On my way back on the cable car, I was grinning. Then it occurs to me that God is trying to bring me to enlightenment. I was pissed off with J because she flared at me for no reason and made me pretty upset. I decided to have cold war with her till she apologized to me. However after this incident, I decided I shall not be so childish anymore. If I can get Sister M and Shir to get back together, why can’t I convince myself to forgive someone?

Everyone has their flaws. I have mine too. As such.. I shall end this cold war….

I thank god for that enlightenment.....

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New Hair Cut

Dear Diary,

Just gotten my hair cut and thinned... It used to be THICK and kinda bushy... now it's pretty much layered... so much that I am left with very few strands that are 'Long'... haha...nonetheless... I feel so much lighter with the hair cut... The curls are now more 'Messy' but natural... I kind of like this new cut... at least easier to manage.. no more tangles after wash... (Since it's very layered now)....

Not many people notice the cut which I was pretty surprise since I cut quite abit (Ok fine, no one notice me...).. but who cares... most impotantly I don't have to comb my hair now... hahah... suits a lazy bum like me... hehe...

Alright.. here's some photos...

This is my new Hair cut... Can't tell the difference???

Bet you can see the difference now with comparison...
It's less bushy and shorter.... Ok it doesn't look shorter with this comparison hmm... but imagine 6 months back when I have this length.... so now theoritically it ought to be much longer.. eh..
My Fringe too... got it chopped...

How about an act cute shot... haha...

Argh... this looks kinda fat... Then again.. I didn put on some weight... Time to go on diet....

More situps...

My favourite shot of the day... Bet if robin ever sees these photos.. he would call me a bitch....Darn... No more acting sweet photos.. hahaha

Till I blog again... cheerios..

Rough week

Dear Diary,

This is kind of a rough week for me.. Lady luck apparently went on leave and everythings seems to be out of hand... Endless things to do, yet everything went against me...from work to friendship... Every single things appears to be torn in the eye... every little things pissed me off..

Maybe it's myself too.. I don't know.. Blame it on the PMS then...Hmm.. not that it's any time near...

I am wondering what happen to me...

I feel so exhausted suddenly..so tired of everything..

Just feel like giving up....

What's wrong...

Then again after a tough week, with all the people pissing me off... today finally I had a good laugh hanging out with wen, XY, Ben n Pat. At least I tried to... I try to make myself happy... didn't want to meet up initially today but I thought maybe it's a good idea afterall to cheer myself up.. It's a new month, I must start afresh...

Anyway, I went. It's not too bad afterall. I tried to make myself very happy, laughing off at the simplest joke. I think wen find it funny why I was laughing so much... Maybe I try too hard to laugh.. How fake...Since when I have promoted to grade 1 plastic queen...

But all the laughing hard kinda relief me a little... though I still get a little moody... On my way back, I was pondering hard... reflecting on my behaviour....

Then just like lighting striking on the head, something strike me. I guess it was my fren's unhappy incident that leaves me moody... It's not their arriage.. but more of.. it makes me pissed that people around me are not treasuring what they are having now.My fren pissed me cuz they don't appreciate the kindess I have shown and gave me attitude; my collegues pissed me when I worked hard to organise what they asked for and they give me bloody excuse and shit to tell me how it sucks when they didn't even try. It breaks my heart to see people not appreciating what they are having now. Why aren't they treasuring it like a gem? I knew the pain cuz I lost 2 gems of my life....

I knew why I am unhappy now... haiz yet I can't make myself happy thinking of it.. no wonder my fren didn't want to reveal his damage marriage to me...

Wish I could do something for him... As much as I pray hard that there is still hope for the marriage, I am worried that things doesn't look too optimistic...

Reveal this 'secret' today... it's not that much of a secret, but I then again it's not sth glam tt ought to be published... Nonetheless, I told them in the intention that they could make a little effort to cheer him out, at least keep him occupied and not think of the unhappiness. Trust that they would do it tactfully and not reveal the fact. It was the first time I heard of him crying...It breaks my heart to see my best fren so upset and I can only view helplessly. Guess I am too emotional.

Haiz... Hope he would get over things soon... Best if there's chance to patch up even if it's only 0.0001%...

Darn.. Still no mood for anything... just feel kinda exhausted... maybe more like disgusted at the ugly world, utterly disappointed at it...

Nonetheless, felt bad that I wasn't good company for Wen and the rest... though they were wonderful company, and I really appreciate them. They are simply wonderful frenz... and I love all of them so dearly... well...guess me not joining them for the movie was a good thing.. at least on my way back alone, I got enlightened....

Cool... Now I got to get myself ashed up and prepare for bed... got to go island for work tml...
Before i go some shots...

The Xmas tree at Cathay.. when you are not in the form.. soemhow, the photos didn't look right...

Without the flash... nicer in colour.. hmm.. but it got kinda blur...

From a differnt angle... Guess this is the best shot... nevermind, not to standard... I give up...it's just not the day for all this...

But I like the effect I added to the photo though...


Ok let's try outdoor shot...Tsk tsk.. not too good.. argh.. this is frustrating..

Alright. this is the best... thank god there's nice clouds at sunset timing... the sky is usually pretty at this time...No more photos for today.... till I get into form.. hang in there...There are more photos in XY's camera, shall wait for her to load.. but I am not really in any form for photos today... so bet i look pretty bad in them... till I review them, I may not post it if it's too unsightly.. till i post again Tata..