UGLY Man kind

Dear Diary,

I have always thought I have a way with people. At least I was that miss popular since school and during my part time work. I never have trouble dealing with people with that what I thought good PR skill of mine. Everyone has always praised me of my good PR skills...but so what? No matter how good you are, you can't be invincible.

Lately with all that happenings around me, with all the things I see, I guess I finally got a little more mature.. finally get to realise how the ugly this society is.. I suddenly hate it.. or rather I find man so scary...

I am obviously bothered by how people can smile to you in front of you, love you so dearly, and yet on the other hand give you a stab on your back...

I finally got woken from my sweet dream of this lovely society filled with kind souls...

I was talking to Alan, and he was surprise how affected was... he never thought I would be affected with my good PR skills... well, I guess i was pretty disgusted by man kind that suddenly felt so tired. I felt so tired of having to wear a mask everyday, to 'entertain' everyone around you. Is this really life?

No one is your best friend. I feel the loneliness that I never ever felt before for the 20 over yrs... and this feeling sucks..

You can do something out of good will but get reprimanded and have the whole world putting blame on you. Suddenly you are the scrape goat.. and worst you make your only good friend involved in the hot soup. How guilty can you get? Now, you dunno if you are really forgiven... So what if it's not exactly your fault... So what if You may be equipped with the best PR skills, but with any minute of distraction, you will be the next scrape goat.. One moment you are smiling, and the next moment you are a goner...

Unlike the past, you won't be rewarded like a little gal for doing your job well, well at least you would be given a pat on your back for doing something well.

In reality, in this cruel society, no one would appreciate all the good jobs you have done, in fact it would only aroused people's jealousy who would make more effort to tramped you from the lime light. The better you are, the more danger you are in.

How digressing... So what do you get eventually? Nothing but talents being 'killed' and devils who merely know how to 'SA KAR' (people who only knows how to lick the bosses boots) get all the benefits.

What is the world coming to?

Then you tell yourself, hey you are a big gal already.... but deep inside, you wish you never grew up. You wish you are still the protected little princess... unfortunately this princess is now trapped in a dark jungle watched with pairs of glaring eyes waiting to pounce on you when you let your gut down.

Felt so exhausted.. so exhausted....
Dear fairy god mother, pls bring back the sunshine in me...
I wish, I wish i am the small little girl once again curdling in those strong arms...