When the day comes...

Dear Diary,

Finally another month passed....

31st May finally came... I thought I wld be excited... Excited about the new scope, the new pay... Excited about getting away from the daily dosage of scolding and using of strategy to pacify people to work for u viz 'bribery', sweet talk bla bla.. u name it...

When the day came... nothing sort of excitment came.... not even a least bit... just the changing of tables.. leaving the office in to a more confine room... even if it appears to be sort of 'promotion' with a different position now... SOmehow a tinch of sadness appear while packing... maybe because I am going to miss the gals talk... the crazy moment in the office... Going to miss brother Nik, Robin... miss seeing them so often.. miss their teasing and fooling around... miss having lunch with them....

Despite still being in the same office... it's gonna be different with the different job scope and the many differences...

Ahead lies the many challenges.... although the many true faces have reflected and appeared on the clear water... although the many shitty things that have to be cleared.... I am glad however I can worked with my good fren sis... No regrets... I made the choice.. in the hope for a better learning opportunities... so bear with it... for a better tml...

For the next chapter of my life... Cheers...

Woman of those times

Dear Diary,

I was browsing at some magazines when this headlines caught my attention...

It says "Woman of Those Times"....

Pieces of thoughts and images float into my mind....

A story of a respectable lady... Born under the starry night on one very night in the 70s...Teng cames into the world. She was born in a poor family in a small town in Malaysia. Borned in a poor family with the many siblings, her parents have no choice but to bear the heart ache to 'sell' their children away to make ends meet. Daughter in those days are less worthy in those times as compared to the males who bear the responsibility to carry the family line.

Teng like most daughters in the poor family was sold to a rich family as daughter in laws. At the age of 8, she was married to the Lim family taking care of all chores, all well being of her young husband. Life was far more tough and unbearable than anyone can imagine. She was despised, she was bullied. Despite it all, Teng didn't give in. She didn't believe in giving in to fate. She endured the pain from being separated from her parents, she bear the tortured she have by her in laws... she bear it all without a single complain... She didn't' hate her parents, she didn't hate her in laws, she believe one day with her faith, hope and hard work she would reap the fruits....

Days passed...

Years passed...

At 18, she gave birth to her first child... at 19 yet another one... she was treated like a birth machine... while she worked hard from day till night... her husband has the only chore of drinking, enjoying his life. Teng don't love her husband, though he's a nice man who loves his children but he's just another spoilt that has no aspiration...

It was during the war period... times get even tougher... though the rich doesn't get that badly affected.. but everywhere else is chaos... it was during this time that Teng meet her Mr Right, Weng, a promising young man as well as an undercover from the force 136... He was one of the leaders... Handsome, charming and most importantly one with great aspirations and determination. Teng was simply mesmeriosed. However she's married... During those times, seeing a married woman hanging out alone with a man is already unforgivable, not to mention falling in love with another man. Weng offered to bring Teng to a far away place, aways from the war, away from all the torture... Teng was touched... Her good days had finally seemed to come... She didn't hesitated to leave...

She packed and left with weng... they hid in the forest for 3 days.... however Teng's mother in law sent a gang of people to search for her in the entire village... Teng and Weng were found. Teng refused to return... She was putting up a tough fight with the groups... then in the mist of the gang someone caught her side... A man, holding to 3 children... it's Lim... her husband... He pleaded for Teng's return... claiming how both the children and him needed her.... Teng was moved deeply... it just seemed that her effort these years have paid off... tears rolled down her cheeks at the thought of her children... how can she be so careless...? She of all had gone through the unbearable pain of being separated with her parents, how how could she leave her own fresh and blood children...leave them for another man...

She stayed...

Times didn't get better... because of her scandal, she was forced to leave the family, Lim left with her... Tmes became tough... Lim who grew up in from a silver spoon couldn't take the hardship... plus the constant drinking in the past.. his health deteriorate... he died years later at a petty young age... He left Teng 6 children out of the others that died in the tough time... Teng worked hard to raised the 6 children... Providing them the best as much as she could giving them education... till she sees them grew up, got their own career... and getting married one by one...

Just as her times are starting to get better... just as her children is capable to give her good life...just as her beloved grand-daughter is able to fulfilled dreams and show her filial piety to her... she left the world... left with the caused of some unfilial villains... some that neglected her... Some that didn't saved her in her last breath....

A pity it was...

A woman of those times... She's one... one of those born in a tough times... having gone through all bitterness yet the sweetness never came... She, a much respectable woman, a much remembered person till today... She of all woman is my grandmother... One whom I deeply loved, one whom deserved all my respect and the admiration, one whom caused the unhealable scar with her departure, one whose departure would only make my hatred deepen towards the villains.... One whom makes me what I am today...

She's the only reason I lived on despite the hardship... she's the reason I swear not to break any more promises.... In her name and honor, I swear to do her proud and accomplish her hope for me... For her and her only... I would hang on...

With Love always....

In memory of Granny Teng

Life is such an IRONY

Dear Diary,

Just as I was jogging along the road today....with the cool breeze and slight drizzle hitting me... flashes of thoughts cross my mind...

Life is so unpredictable.... It's such an IRONY... You work hard for something, for a goal and end up you chose something else... I cant help but laugh at it...

People around me are changing goals now... It's probably part and parcel of life, but come to think about it, you work so hard, spend so much time, effort to achieve something and end up wth something else... it's it funny...

My bro CK, is no longer a pilot... He gone through a whole lot to reach his dreams...but gave u his dream job eventually... and looking forward to anther journey in his career... then Siek yen who studied so hard and finally an Auditor in a well establish company... gave up her job to teach English in Japan... Then HY is probably giving up the 3 years of effort and effort he put to establish his status and career in SHANGHAI... giving up for his LOVED ones... How touching... but it's such IRONY, why leave your love ones in the first place to establish something, and giving up your achievement eventually for your love ones...

Then there is myself, who never thought I would ever step in to the Engineering field again after the tough life in Uni... Just when I was about to step into TCS as Asst Producer, here I found myself working as a QA engineer... What a Joke...Then there's my brother who studied Multi Media hoping to be a famous producer in Animation is now a TEACHER... Goodness...There's still so many more...

Most of us in Singapore, we worked so hard... at the very age of 5, you got to attend pre-sch... then primary, secondary, JC and maybe to Uni... U study and study... go through all the different streaming... and then out you come into the society.. going into the course of study.. and realizing Hey.... it's a piece of SHIT! This is not what you want...In school, during your first lesson, your teacher ask you, what do you want to be when you grow up.... but how many people actually have their dream occupation... even if they did, is it really their dream occupation?

Now that I realised my sec sch ambition... or was it what I was told to achieve...anyway, now that I reach my goal, finally...I begin to wonder if this is what I want out of my life...

Haiz....

I am not a good teacher or are my students simply dumb

Dear Diary,

I am asked to conduct some training for the new comers when I am new comers myself ha.. kinda ridiculous...but ya... it ought to be a compliment to me... hehe.. 3 weeks more experienced and I am a senior... =p

I guess I have to admit shamelessly that I am a fast learner. Especially it's just some monkey see money do scope I think... it's brainless.. merely co-ordinating, learning how to use the system communicate with the customer. What's so difficult?!!!

What I thought was a compliment was actually a night mare...Of course my fellow collegues each have one new girl attached... though some are ok... mine was not the worst case... but in general this batch of new comers SUCKS...

It took me only few days to pick up... but it's been weeks... and the gals are still unable to cope. Worst the leader is not helping ie. making things worst by not wanting me to pass them the work to practice.

'Ling, they are having trouble learning and picking up, pals don't give them any thing to do let them focus on their learning on the system'

O my god... If u simply look at your notes and learn without practicing, you still wont be able to apply and know how to use, you will still forget the many code that you got to key, and the many various steps you got to do. There maybe quite a number of steps and procedures but they are simple just tedious. So what's wrong?

I think my student's attitude is very wrong. AS new comers, shouldn't one be more pro-active?

They are not keen in learning... Having the 'bo CHap' attitude! Hello... ATTITUDE is only meant to be 100% not 0.1%... Fuck it.. Don't use my pen name if you are not up to it...The company don't employ you to laze ard and add work load to your fellow collegues who are working hard...

If I merely finish conducting my lessons and asked you to hands on with me guiding you... How the hell can you tell me you 'DOn't Know'!! It may be a simple 2 words but there's 2 meaning behind it, either you are saying me, your trainer is LOUSY or you are not paying attention!!!

Goodness.. I really feel like giving up on you girls... Till know I have to do double work checking.. Worst, you girls comng to ask me simple questions that I have been repeatedly reminding you. Do you not have any common sense?? Didn't you just write down everything? Refer to your bloody hell notes!!! Why the hell do anyone of you write down the notes and not refer? Argh... I am running out of paitience... SOmeone tell me, whatI should do? I have no idea how to coach the girls... now that they are adding on to my load of work that I feel so breathless sometimes.. OT OT and more OT...

A pinch of good news

Dear Diary,

This article ought to be updated some time back... but I was too held up...
It was a bright day, Esjay and I arranged for a meet up for a mini celebration for the turning of better... for encouragement to each other....

Though many things are still not turning alright for me.. but at least for once I am offered jobs... we (SJ & I) have a pact... whoever that have an offer wld treat the other party... now that I have more than one all at the same time... I guess it calls for a mini celebration... to share/pass some of my good luck to him...

Just then he bring me a good news too.. while we were having our lunch... He got a chance to go for interview in MOE... something he waited for... Guess Lady luck has finally realized the insignificant us... or our preservers created our worth.. Whatever...

We were both happy... no matter wat is the outcome in the following days... at least something good did happen.. It's a big step for us... I am happy.. so is SJ I believe...

SJ created me to a movie -Art of seduction... It was a good movie... or was it the good mood that result in the good movie.. haha... well.. but the many laughs in the movie indeed fit into our joyous mood...

We took quite a bit of photos as usual... I love the background... it jus appear like we re overseas...




Haha... my Cheeky look... It's suppose to look seductive... LOL...


This is more me...Act Cute...


Yeeks... this angle not nice...Look like some stupid kid...


Another take.. Yeah.. this is indeed better.. don't you tink so...


Haha.. what's up SJ with the act cool look... haha..I act sweet you you shld too mah... I wonder how you look acting sweet... whahaha...


The background is nice hor...

Wah.. SJ's arm is pretty long... to be able to take us both plus the nice background..


This is more focus...

okay.. now my personal shot time....


This is one of my favorite photo... makes a good advertisement yeah? hahaha.. Come on.. nod in agreement la.. let me be the 'model' for once can... hehe...


How about this?Some how I like the reflection on the glass window..


Act cute again...


I love this photo...


This one too... I look slim.. haha.. or did I lose some weight.. hehe...

Okie dokie.. so much on blogging.. I catch up with ya again... I Thank god for all the blessings... thanks for answering my prayers... thanks for acknoweging my hard work and effort... I thank my frenz , my best fren Eileen especially for the support and encouragement... It helps to keep me gng no matter how hard the situation is.. no matter how helpless I am & can only bury them within me.. Thanks for keeping me going...

The Tough times

Dear Diary,

Hanging High above the Ocean
Up in the Sky I roar

Huge is what it may be
But tiny is what I see

Sailing on the blue
Leaving rippling traits at the rear

Flashes of thoughts it brought
Like the journey I walked

Small I appear at the borderless
But traces I left on the path

Tough things might had been
But Success will come

Fear not being poor
Fear not being smart

For the believe I had
that is guiding key to the success door

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

It was a tough period, where everythiong goes wrong... but working part time for mount faber leisure grp brought some light to me... Thank god, thank crystel... Though it's not a fantastic pay job with some unavoidable politics, but I am lucky to meet with none, on top of that I earn lots of frenz, learn lots of things... I get to experience something different... It was at only during the period of working times that I felt love and job... working doesn't seem to be working at all... time just past too fast... I simply enjoy the working environment... I would say it's a fun place to "Work"..

How I love the times when i am alone in the cable car to work as well as back home... each time it gives me enlightenment and warmth and comfort... As I travel in the sky... watching the deep blue ocean... feeling the breeze... all my sorrows, blues simply disappeared... it's just this amazing.

I believe like the poem above... no matter how tough the ocean are, how small i am... I make a difference... I leave behind traces how all i have done.. with determination, with hardwork... I would succeed and soar high in the sky...