The Shattered Heart

Dear Diary,

Hurt
Heart totally shattered into zillion pieces.
I accepted all the uneven path I have to go through.
I accepted that life's not a bed of roses...
I know I cant compare, cant weight the effort to what I reap.
I accepted that I am not as lucky as my friends
I accepted all, everything.

BUT

I cant accept the fact that I'm accused for something I have not done.
Especially by my dearest one.
I simply cant accept it.

The physical bruise may be hot and burning
but that not what's killing me
Each & every single word
It's like a million arrows piercing through my heart.
It's bleeding now
It's dying
It's so painful
SO painful that all my mind is blank
I don't believe this

WHY?

Why force my to plead myself guilty when I'm not.
why accuse me?
why the distrust over me?
Over a trivial issue?

I have finally seen the LOVE you claim for me
The never true love

For the stronger my love I had for you, signify the deeper the cut you made
The pain might be gone over time,
The shattered heart may be fixed back
But the scar will never disappear.
I may not be able to get away from your crutches,
but my heart have just paralyzed at that very moment.

26 important Points in life

Dear Diary,

26 Points Message:

(A)lways look twice before making a decision

(B)e positive even when all things go wrong

(C)areful who u give yr heart to cos it may not be treated right

(D)o be who u really are

(E)xpress yrself to others in a socialable way

(F)riends are not meant to be given up for anyone

(G)als jus want to feel loved and treasured

(H)ate should never appear anywhere near yr heart

(I) always have difficulties in relationships

(J)ust and fair doesn't walk in all ppls' lifes

(K)ey to Heaven is treating ppl like how u wanna be treated

(L)ove those who deserves it only

(M)ake use of everyday like its your last

(N)ever give up on yourself even when others do

(O)pen up to criticism cos wat sounds bad is good

(P)lay the game of life in YOUR way, doesn't pay when u do it in other's way

(Q)ueue up! Life is never a short-cut

(R)each for the moon, cos even when u miss it, u will fall amongst the stars

(S)ea n sky meet at the horizon faraway.. Which is never possible else where

(T)ruth is life is never a lesson in the classroom, u have to get practial

(U) have to remember history to ensure that we dun double-cross the painful path we once took

(V)ictory is when a dream comes true through 99% hard work and 1% chance

(W)hen to stop trying.. NEVER...

(X)-treme endurance trains one's personality

(Y)earn then work towards something, dun jus hope and wish

(Z)zzzZzz all u need, love yrself...

I was reading when I come across these 26 pointers. I think there are very true and useful so though i'll just share it with my readers. Yeah, i'm feeling kinda down recently so trying hard to motivate myself once again. First time getting so much rejections. Never thought it would happen on me. I'm over-confident i guess-Confident is plus pt, but being over confident makes it minus. Dun worry peeps, i'll try to be back soon.... those who reject me, just u wait & see...

Chinese Comic

Dear Diary,

SOme nice Chinese Funny Jokes...















Enjoy people... Have some good laugh to destress....

Interesting articles

Dear Diary,

Some interesting article to share with my readers

This is a very interesting one... I certainely have a good laugh... hehe...







This is the last one... very encouraging ya?? hehe... for now that's all. Happy reading.Click on image to enlarge otherwise you will spoil ur eyesight straining...

Motivating Words

Dear Diary,

I was just feeling misearble just days ago.. but i decided i'll have to bring myself up... Give me time.. Anyway, just to share some nice encouraging and motivating words and phrases with all of you. Very true! One certainly need, Attitude something i strongly believe in! You guys read on your own... Enjoy

Maggots In Crabs at Chin Huat Seafood BBQ buffet

Dear Diary,

This post is long overdue. As much as I wanna to post this last week, there were unforeseen hiccups. Everyone feels that I shouldn't kick up a big fuss about it, but I just felt that I simply can't leave this lying.

What the HELL is this 'mad' woman here rattling about again???
O well, let me recite the entire incident and you guys be my judge yeah?
About a week ago, or to be more specific, last Tuesday (10th Jan 06), I had a gathering session with my group of juniors and seniors from Uni.

We went to Chin Huat (Zheng Fa) Seafood BB Buffet at Marina south. The gathering was fine.
However, what disgusted me and my friends were the fact that while we were cooking our food, maggots/worms start wriggling out from the crabs which were supposed to be "Fresh" for they are known to have "LIVE" seafood

My friend, Nana went to confront the people in-charge, they couldn't care less but simply exchange another one for us, yet the same thing happen. Work start coming out when the heat from the hot plate warm the 'crab' till the temperature is 'unbearable' for the worms.
We were disgusted and angry and confronted the people again, yet this time their attitude pissed me off. They commented that we didn?t clean the crab clean, after clarifying with a few people selling crabs; I was told that crabs should not have worms. It has nothing to do with our cleaning, on top of that crabs infested with worms only goes to imply that the crabs are spoiled and ought to be thrown. However this is not the actions I see from the owners of the shop. They simply ignored us and continue to do their business with their un-fresh crabs which could result to food poisoning to people that consumed it unknowingly. They simply put the blame on us
simply to avoid us from creating a din and disrupt their business.

Being part of a Singaporean, I have always been proud of our countries clean and green environment as well as our food hygiene condition. However, this incident is utterly disappointing; it makes me wonder if our food hygiene really meets the standard. What would other tourist view Singapore if they have seen such incident? I believe you would agree with me that this is totally not acceptable from my past experience with AVA (Agri-Food & Veterinary Authority of Singapore) people. For your info, AVA is in charged of the food safety in Singapore hence I felt the need to bring my concern up over the incident to the authority and I hope to see actions taken against these black sheep of our country.

I didn't create much of a din there on the spot because I wasn't sure that if I was really our fault, but after clarifying with a few sellers I felt that this is something serious and I cant simply leave it there. My friends were pissed off initially but all of them decided not to pursue this matter after they leave the place. Everyone says that I shouldn't too. Everyone feels that I don't have to make a "Hu Ha" of what is over.

Nevertheless, my dear people, I could have taken the evidence we have (the photos & the video plus the receipt) to clai for a good compensation from the owner of the shop but I didn't chose to do so. WHY? Have you wonder? I decided not too simply because the people are too cocky. Instead of realizing their mistakes they actually put the blame on us.

On top of that, many other people like you guys would simply leave the matter upon leaving the place and no absolutely nothing. The people would not learn their mistake which explains their cocky attitude. Someone must do something.

Let me be the "EVIL" person then. Let me be the bad guy, for the fellow people that patronize the place, for all SINGAPOREANS. I feel that I should do something. If you guys still think I'm in the wrong, and that I should not cause their business to fold I beg to differ.

They brought this against themselves. Imagine you take the crab with worm and end up in the hospital? Would you still think the same??? I know I am mean, but the people are also in service line, their attitude is also wrong. How would tourist think of us? Maybe I had always been in the service line, Customers always right and I wish to have your understanding peeps. I didn't wanna argue with you guys since I'm out-numbered.. haha.. Hence putting it here for you guys to understand how I felt.

To convince others, here's some photos:

The photos are not clear.

This is one of the receipts, because we arrive at different time, we paid different receipts since it's pay before you eat system. From the date, I'm not lying!!!!!

I wanted to upload the video but somehow there's no place for me to upload unfortunately, if I manage to upload, I'll bound to post it for you guys to see.

So much for now... Even if you guys are not on my side, it's ok, I apostle gone ahead with my complains. As long as my conscious is clear and I'm doing it for the people, blame it on me if you want too, I know at least, God will understand.

Confused & Lost

Dear Diary,

I'm Confused... Totally lost it to myself again... Maybe I really think too much... But whenever I cant get my thoughts straight... I get frustrated... I lose my sleep like now as I type this post... I dun care who's reading this.. I supposed there aren't too many.. nway cant be bothered.. Just wanna relief my pressure somewhere..

WARNING: This is going to be a boring post, it's jus COMPLAINS and more COMPLAINS, nothing much interesting to you can give it a miss...

Pressure build up as the days tickled away... I can totally understand how SJ is feeling... Not being able to get a job... Yes we don't have a good degree, we may not be academically good like any other scholars, but that doesn't mean we are not gifted!!! We are absolutely confident in our talents but we are deprived of our chance to even prove ourselves... Like SJ, I know he's good in designing and stuff and he has got great taste, yet with an average engineering degree you are rejected from everyone. You cant get in to an engineering field which requires at least a good honous, and some relevant experiences, then you cant get into any field you like and yet you have potential in because you don't have the 'relevant' qualification and you can even win a chance for an interview much less a chance to prove yourself.

Myself, I'm not much different from SJ, age is building up, responsibility and pressure increases... School debts to clear now that I finally step out of school, yet I cant find a job. People may not know what they want in life, but I know, yet I am troubled by it. Maybe that's why some says "Foolish people live happier!"... They just think less, worry less and live everyday happily...

I know I'm a people person, (I'm a DI if you have done the DISC test you wld understand), I have high aspiration and dream for myself. I have always wanted to have my own company and made my first million before 30... It was all possible when I was in Tertiary... even till the day I was about to graduate, I still strongly believe so... And cant wait to realized my dream...But now for once, I was dishearten... Upset over my lost in motivation... I am shocked that this is happening to me, the fact that I'm even doubting self... No matter how hard I tried to remove the barrier, I will have another one up for me... As the day past, I know my millionaire dreams are diminishing...... People had always tell me how unrelistic I was... I hate myself now that they predicted my outcome. Dammit! Now broke as I am, I only hope to start my own company and do something I enjoy.

I just cant help but recalling and reflecting on the past...My previous 2 company. Started the first company while I was in year 3... Then I got betrayed... Fine, $10K but I learn a good lesson. Pain for sure, hell period gone through without any other people's help but that didn't put me down. I finally manage to climb up, despite all the disapproval from everyone else, despite all others side hinderance ...I still manage to earn back some capital and started another one just before I graduated, finally, after all the efforts I thought I was seeing my dreams come true... But no, my love is objecting violently, and I was forced to pulled out!!! I know I can't let them know but like what the chinese saying, "You cant trap fire with Paper"! $5k lost.. It's not a big sum, but the effort put in was not justified...

Why why why???

I just don't understand why my love are still treating me like a baby... I dun undersatnd why, they wouldn't allow me to do what they are doing...Just because I'm not a citizen yet and I need to apply for one I need to get a full time job and cant pursue my dreams? Just because I need to have a stable income I cant realized my ambition?? I cant believed it... Don't ask me why I was not determined to continue and be firm in my stand, you cant imagine the fight I put up alone, You didn't see how I struggled, how I used all means and ways and end up crying alone under my blanket... I was threatened.. nvm what's the point of saying when I gave in...

But now that I have given away my dream, cant I even do something at least I enjoy? Not that I hate teaching, but I am just not appreciating it, it's just not me... I have no patience for kids, not now. I wanna experience life, learn things that I don't see in schools not going back to teach... I wanna excel, and still hit my target in my very way... yet you say No no to sales, No no to insurance agent... No no to MLM, No no to everything... Pang offer me a good deal, Jimmy too... I'm sure they do see the potential in me in doing insurance, Liang & Crystel sees it that I can do their belair and Amway too... Yes so what if I studied so hard and so long and I'm just an agent or sales person.. But there are degree holders frying char kway tiao too.. And they are doing well.. Maybe Jimmy is right.. I'm too soft hearted, I always gave in especially when I'm under the pressure of my loved ones. Argh... As much as i hate to admit it, I knew Jimmy was all right about me. He saw me through.

I mean he knew I didnt wanna be a teacher, no doubt being an adviser didnt cross my mind but I knew deep inside me that I am capable to be a pretty good one... I mean after all I have got experience in sales all along, after all it's all about selling all i need is some training... I knew like all others, mine would never agree to me being an adviser, and with their characther it's going to be a tough fight. I was told to paint a nice story to them yet I am never a good liar, they knew me too well. I'm scared! I am not lost, I don't have any job offer now that I'm desperate for one for the fear that I get kick out of the country yet I cant accept the offer being an adviser and being a teacher is indeed my last option... Argh...

God, someone, help me?!!!!

Cyber Chat Abbreviations

Dear Diary,

I was chatting with Jason when he come out with all the CMI then TTYL.. I was like huh?? wtf you talking about?? Suddenly all the abbreviations..

Haha.. I guess it only goes to say that I'm not much of a cyber chatter.. After some search I found out a short list.. Maybe it wld help some of you guys out there like me that aren't a much of a cyber chatter or too ignorant and blur or jus simply to afraid to ask others what it means for the fear of embarrassment... It's ok.. You have me...I'm 'THICK skin' hahaha...

For those who have more commonly used abbreviations, pls do let me know n contribute to this list n help everyone else.

ok here we go:

tt = That
BB = Bye Bye
TC = Take Care
IC = I See
NP = No Problem
G9= GoodNight
Slp = Sleep
gng = going

AKA = Also Known As
ADN = Any Day Now
ASL = Age Sex Location
AFK = Away From Keyboard
ATM = At The Moment
BBL = Be Back Later
BTA = But Then Again
BTW = By The Way
BRB = Be Right Back
BEG = Big Evil Grin
CUL = See You Later
CYO = See You Online
CMI = Cannot Make It
DOS = Dosing Off Soon
FYI = For Your Information
GFY = Good For You
GGP = Gotta Go Pee
GTG = Got To Go
HIG = How's It Going
HTH = Hope This Helps
IHQ = I Have Question
IRL = In Real Life
IMS = I'M Sorry
IOW = In Other Words
JIC = Just In Case
TOY = Thinking Of You
WTF = What The F**K
KNS = Ka-Na Sai
LOL = Laugh Out Loud
OMG = Oh My God
TFS = Thanks For Sharing
TIA = Thanks In Advance
WRU = Who Are You / Where Are You
LMK = Let Me Know
ASAP = As Soon As Possible
AWAR = Absent Without Approve Reasons
DIKO = Do I Know You?
GMAB= Give Me A Break
HAND = Have A Nice Day
LTNS = Long Time No See
TAFN = That's All For Now
TTYL = Talk To You Later
TTYS = Talk To You Soon
TTFN = Ta Ta For Now
KWIM = KNow What I Mean?
LMBO = Laughing My Butt Off
TGIF = Thank God It's Friday
AYPI = And Your Point Is
KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid
IMHO = In My Humble/Honest Opinion
TYCLO = Take Your Caps Lock Off
AFAIK = AS Far AS I Know
AFAICT= As Far As I Can Tell

Reverie Playing at MOS 21st Jan 2006

Dear Diary,

Hey peeps remember i mention to you guys about a fren of mine in a band??? Yeah SHane I'm talking about...and their Band- REVERIE. they wld be playing at MOS at 21st January... U can check out details below.. they really rocks.. check them out!!!

Attention Seeking

Dear Diary,

"For God's sake, She is so Attention Seeking, can?"

This phrase kept ringing in my ear.... I was reflecting on my actions... I love to reflect on the things I have done for I am one reckless kid that that on impulse at times.

Attention seeking, so that was what people think of me all the time.

How do you define attention seeking? I Ponder...

From the web: Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love.

Gee.. How negative.. But I wish to stand up once again for myself..

I agree I'm 'Loud', I'm 'Noisy', I feel injustices for people and stand up for them, But but But.. I'm not low self-esteem or low self confidence, not to mention I'm so loved by many.. My buddies can vow for me man...

Yes I'm louder than most, I speak up.. But that is a act of confidence.. I dare to speak up.. Wld you? Maybe in the process, I get attention of pple.. But that's of a different meaning to ATTENTION SEEKING which for your Information jade, it's a sort of illness... It's different. I don't deny that I can get pple to listen to me most of the time.. But that only goes to say I have Leadership, I hold the attention of them, I convince them.. I don't hurt myself to get their attention...

Hey jade, You don't have to be jealous over my potential and give me names that I'm attention seeking. Well then again if I really am attention seeking, then I guess I muz congratulate myself cuz I succeeded in getting yours, FOOL!

My New Hair Cut

Dear Diary,

Cut my hair... had my long fringe chopped off too.. mum says i shld change my hairstyle.. now tt i'm moving on to another phase of my life.. quite true.. maybe i can get some bad luck chopped off and have a change in this brand new year...
But Argh... The outcome was undesire.. haha.. it's not sth tt i really like.. hmm.. n my fringe.. i cant quite gert used to it.. some of my frenz says i look err.. 'goon'.. gee...

ok i know this one looks 'silly' haha.. i was taking photos of myself when my brother took this.. haha.. but it's the best one.. the rest that i tok myself look worst.. so u can imagine how awful i look now...

here's another one.. I crop out from the background.. cuz it was too messy...





Ya.. that's abt all the photos i have taken of myself.. gee... hope i can get used to it soon..

BHSP gathering on 1st Jan 06

Dear Diary,

Gee..my long overdue post...
Had our Annual Primary school Class Gathering jus days back...
I'm the organiser as usual.. to be exact... i am the 'founder' , the "creater" of this gathering...
Few years back then, like many others i was completely out of touch with my primary school friends.. was not in touch with them for say 10 yrs?? ya there about... Gee..

That was long ya.. wonder how they have transformed?? how many ugly ducklings have turn in to beautiful suans? how many frogs have turn in to handsome prince? I wonder...
Then FRIENDSTER come along.. yes.. it was actually friendster that helps me find back most of my primary school frens...*I'm not employed by friendster or paid a single cent*

Anyhow, that's how basically my class was found and how i gathered them back gradually after everyone shifted and moved on into different phase of their life...

This gathering.. i had much difficulty doing it.. due to many unforeseen circumstances.. many 'fly me kite' too.. didnt turn up.. but thanks god there's still those very 'faithful' supporters..
On top of that we have 2 'NEW' faces.. haha.. n i mean Teck Boon n Gina.. i was their first time attending.. though they didnt stayed long but i guess it's the presence that counts...

Glad to know everyone's doing alright... Teckboon our top student.. after some unwanted hicups manage to stand back up and move on.. glad he is putting the histoy behind.. then we have our head prefect Gina still as pretty.. now a manager in Taka Giodano.. Cool..

Of course then we have our regulars.. like Kenny, Sharon, Yu fen, Kien Fee, BQ, Chin, Roger... n of course my neighbour tien hong.. forgot to mention.. ha.. he left after dinner..

Haha.. O ya there's this MONEY guy.. the one in white.. forgot to mention him earlier.. then of course we have our v funny KF in black frame specs and Roger in sky blue top..

We have Sharon & Yu Fen here... Ok i know i look awful in the new hair cut.. darn...

Hahah... Kenny Sneezing.. n Tian Hong trying to siam.. haha.. No lar.. actually they were trying to avoid having their shots taken...

haha.. But u jus cant get out of my hand.. hehe..ya that's our Kenny ... gaining lots of wt.. haha..

That's my Mushroom & Ham Speg... it looks good.. but the potion are just too little.. well..but it's ok.. my 2 good frenz Kenny n TH gave me some of their yummy Fish n Chips.. hehe.. Oppz.. didnt i say i'm suppose to go on diet...Argh...

All of us...tt was there for Dinner at Cafe Cartel.. Hmm Cafe Cartel.. reminds me of Acez.. haha.. Anyway.. glad the group has expanded the size.. still recall how we started with only 4-5 at coffee bean at Holland V..haha..

Me & my Neighbour..haha.. surprisingly we never get to meet other than in gatherings despite styaing so near to each other.. so here's a shot till our next meeting nx year.. haha..

we proceeded to K-BOX at Suntec... The guys...the very cheeky guy is teck boon... he's a copy writer now.. he wld have achieved even more with his intelligence if not for tt incident.. but it's ok who's without a past.. he is doing well now too... He reminds me to support the Yellow ribbon project..

The babes...ya that's Gina at the side.. she's still so skinny.. think i'm the most "Chubby"...Eeeek..

The 4 Cool guys..

Me & Yu fen..

Wow.. so much for know.wanna give u guys more individual shots which i saw in KF's camera.. but he was complaining that it's not well taken and refused to give me.. well so i shant force him.. he's jus too nice.. cuz i think one of the ugly photo is of me.. haha..so guess.. nx time i'll take it myself haha..then they cant excape le.. haha.. =p Thanks pple.. thanks for al those tt turn up... Though i'm not a KTV person and i was being a little spoil spot by not singing even a single song... sorry.. i'll go pick up one or two *promise*.. I had fun listening.. as long as u guys are happy.. as a organiser, i'm happy too.. that's the result i wanna see...btw.. u guys sure impressed me at the KTV.. all the hidden talents.. we have KF the KTV king.. who can sing almost every single song.. then we have Money who have a pretty good vocal then BQ the new Jay .. then Sharon, Gina & Yu fen the 3 KTV queens and even TB the potato guy.. he can actually sing chinese songs.. goodness.. I'm so LOUSY in front of them...haha...Thanks again and see u all next year.. Have a good year n best wishes..