Friendship Vs Money

Dear Diary,

Friendship more important, Money more important, Friendship more important, Money more important... Friendship... Argh... Think I just 'killed' a dozen of roses and I still have not reached any conclusion...

*Sigh*
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Other than the roses, I think I killed a friendship. Maybe my family is right I am gullible all along... Well let me narrate the account and maybe some of you can give me some comments or suggestion.

I have this female friend whom I got to know when I went to one of my dad's some sort business gathering session. She's much older, about forty odd old enough to be my mum.. Anyway her age is not the critical part. She's single and she's my dad's fren- Uncle Goh's employee. Somehow I can still clicked with her.. Ok fine I can click with anyone.. I'm a 'I' after all..

Anyway she knows I worked all sorts of part-time so she offered me some odd jobs whenever she needs pple.. (the pay wasn't fantastic for your info, it's one of my lowest paid job jus that I didn't like to reject helping a friend and it's money afterall so I always took up the offer)

I shall jus moved on to the cream...Last year I helped her with an assignment and supposed to be paid $1500. She took the cash and delayed paying me afterwhich for about few months later she explained that she has got financial problem and had used the money hence asked if I can take it that she loan from me. She told me she has got a sick father at home, a younger sister with mental problem and she is the only sole breadwinner at home and her elder sister who got married refused to share the burden. She asked me not to tell my dad or uncle goh because she would lose her job and with her little education and age she cant get a any better pay than the current one to support the family. She make a lot of sense.. I gave in... I didn't have the heart to force her to pay me... She was weeping so hard..She told me she would find a part-time and would pay be by monthly installment and would return me with interest to compensate me. I agreed. She gace me a 150 bucks for the first month.

Afterwhich, I lost news of her rather she refused to pick up my calls, refused to reply my SMS. I know she didn't change her line cuz her line is a company line. I was kinda mad... But I gave her the benefit of the doubt and stopped asking her for the money and hope she would pay me back. Months went by... Till recently, what I heard from my dad made me very upset and unhappy. I tried to test for news about her though my dad and I was told that they went KTV, night clubs and clubbing and she would always tag along and even treated some of the people there from time to time... I was mad but I thought I'll give her a chance to explain to me so I SMS her to ask me to pay me, I told her it's taking too long and threaten her (I know I was a little mean). But She replied saying she's really broke, so broke that she got to borrow money from people then giving me the grandmother story.

I was very furious when I got her reply... I SMS her to confront her. Guess what was her reply?

She says "it's all treated by people I don't have to pay a single cent"
She even wanna show me her invoice and expenses and says that she looked down on my dad for looking at people on the surface blah blah... I was in a little dilemma to be honest... Is she speaking the truth? I couldn't hold it any longer, I told my brother so that he can analyze the situation for me. My brother told me, no one would invite you to all the clubbing or KTV sessions so often and pay for all your expenses for every session and those that go clubbing with her are ladies they can give you treat once twice but not few times a week. He says even if she was treated, there's such nice freaking rich foolish fella, she will also have to take mid-night cab home.

My bro asked me to put myself in the scenario, if I'm that broke, would u go even if you are treated you wld still have to spend the unnecessary amount on the cab when u know you are in debt? My brother's analysis did made a lot of sense. He says that if their family are in very bad financial situations we can help her apply for some financial aids. He feels that she's lying or rather she didn't speak the entire truth and he suggested that I SMS her to asked back for the money since it's my salary.

I did what I was suggested. Her reply was hurting. She says that I know she's in poor health and her financial situation and I'm still driving her to the wall. She says I am money minded and I have measured friendship lightly... Etc..

There's no turning back. I didn't know if I had done the right thing. I mean my family may not be poor but everyone who knows me will know that I'm self supporting and I needed the money. Both my brother and I don't take any money from our parents since the time we are able to work and support ourselves. I'm still in the search for a proper and permanent job so meanwhile every cent matters, I dun wanna reach out my hand to borrow money from my family when my money is lent to someone else. Why should I?

$1500 may not mean a lot to others, but to me every cents counts, I worked hard for each and every cent, I exchanged them with my labor, my sweat. I didn't wanna exchange money for friendship neither do I wanna compare friendship using money. Am I really wrong? If she dun pay up, I know my brother wld tell my dad and things wld turn bad. I am lost...What shld I do? Did I destroy a friendship? My bro says I'm taken as a fool, so did some of my frenz said too...Did she not take me as a friend but a fool right at the start?? Had she played the trick knowing my weakness in being too soft hearted towards friends?? Is she worth my concern like what my brother says... what if my brother is not a good judge since he's my kin, she not a neutral party...

Maybe I did that out of anger too.. I mean i hate it when people lie to me. I am just pissed when i think of the fact she can have fun while I cancel and reject all dates and outings to reduce my own expenditure. there are just so many questions running across...

I dunno, I just hate to do such actions towards my frens.... I'm confused.... Just bad mood...It's giving me sleepless nights... haiz...God, someone, anyone help me?? Analyze for me??? What should I do or how can I salvage if I'm wrong??