12th Apr the Guilty day (Special edition 1)

Dear Diary,

12th April...I wont forget this day....

Gee...this i supposed was one of the worst times of the mugging period....

It was a bright morning...I woke up as usual and went to Q to buy curry puff for zoe... since she is so sweet....always booking seats for us... i shld do something in return.... On my way to school, she sms to asked wat time i'm gng school.... She feels bad abt booking seats...but to me it's like we are not the only one that book the seats...and it's not as if we book and not going to occupy it... anyway...when i reach school zoe somehow was not in a good mood..or was it me tt feels this way....she was with desmond...so i offer to leave our things and all go to the canteen for a quick breakfast since my mummy bought me food and i bring to school (and after my gastric emergency call..i don't wanna get sick jus b4 exam). However, Zoe don't seemed to be herself...she says she feel bad..n there are alot of pple who wants seats...and refused to go foir breakfast..

Zoe: Don't want. I feel bad. So many pple want the seat then don't have..
Ling: We'll have a quick one
Des: Ya...
Zoe: no lar. U all go ahead
Ling: No we go together. Very fast one. The other pple oso like tt..We'll cop chop finish then come back.
Zoe: Nvm. U all go.
Ling: No. if not we all don;t go.
Des: So how?
Zoe: Wat time they coming?
Ling: They wont be here tt early as usual when they come we have to go for the 463 extra lesson le...
Zoe: U all go lar.
Ling: No..Nvm. I'm not very hungry.

So the conversation goes on and u can roughly know wat's it... After that, i don't feel like eating anymore. Zoe tout i was angry with her but no. I was jus sian...like i came to sch in gd mood..then somehw...everything jus dun go..and i start to lose appeitite. Then she walked away crying tinking i'm angry with her. I sms her to come back but she refused and didnt wanna say why. So i told her if she's jus mad at me, then i'll jus go sit on the computer able n let me seat to pple who wants it, then she oso wont see my face and get upset..

I shifted. She asked me to go back but i didn't want to. Not because i was angry cuz i feel tt it was a bad day..n there's tension. If i go back, i wld not be able to conc. Everyone tout i was pissed and being "xiao qi" ...or so i think they feel...but i hack care...no mood to care abt wat others think. I'm jus to stress to care...

Soon after she sms me...to say she having asthma...but ask me to go back to my seat...awhile later she said she cant breathe....Eileen came by then(if fact she asked me to go back to the seatbut i refused)...n she went after to see if she's ok...but i feel sth's wrong so i went to go for her too..

I sms Eileen to leave us alone. I tout Zoe has asthma cuz she was upset so only i can talk to her n explain to her and calm her down...

Eileen left us...Before i cld taked to Zoe i know something is wrong. She told me she was breathless and her entire body starts to cramp up. She complained abt her head being numb and senseless and she cant moved...neither can i touched her...she feels pain....I was lost and helpless...I called for help...

In minutes...so many things happen...thank god there lots of kind soul in NTU...The librarians were helpful...but...i was so angry with the NTU Clinic. Alan called them for help...and those F**king doctors jus ask us to bring her there...she cant walk lor...n she's cramp and she feels when we try to touch her. Call themselves doctors...Go eat shit lar...

Nway to cut the story short..we manage to transport her using the arm chair and called the camous warrant to transport her. Then the doctor did another thingy which make me completely disappointed and utterly angry...He asked another doctor, "what dosage and medcine to use for hyper ventilae case ah?"

If any NTU Authorities is reading this....Why the hell did u guys employ such useless fools as doctors. Doctors that are not considerate, and don't even know their stuff...kaoz...and asked another doctors infront of us....Pls asked them to go home and sleep lar....It's like sitting in a plan where the pilot don't know how to control...So dumb...For goodness sake don't bring harm to the poplutaion in NTU can. I cant remember the doctors name but he's a middle age guy...balding...

Fortunately with god's blessing...Zoe recovered.... gradually..

I missed part of my revision class...with i requested the prof to have...Anyway i was not in the mood...I felt guilty...I knew i trigger it off though she says she oredi feels uncomfortable...but i knew it's me...IT"S JUST ME....I cried so much...Alan n Eileen were worried abt me...Eileen knew i was feeling guilty...and i know everyone tinks so too...I feel so lousy... there were some stuff that i didnt wanna say anymore...it's over..no point saying...No one can understand...

Nonetheless, i guess everything happens for a reason...I realised there are still nice pple ard in NTU..like the libraians...then Princess, Zoe, Eileen and Alan...and of course my bestest buddy Acez...who knew what happen and called back from France...I was touched...Felt so loved by everyone...though i still feel sence of guilt...I cant forgive myself for hurting my frenz...but that's because i care for them and i loved them...I have experience tt they will never understand...but i don't blame them...

Forgive and forget...the loved ones...and i know i'll be a happier person...for i lived for the one i love...