Life's Contradicting

Dear Diary,

This few weeks have been one of my most demoralised and low morale period...I've never felt so low confidence in myself before... I wonder where have my confidence, my cheerful self gone to...I have no one on my side...my family are not supportive...my buddies are all far far away...No one to help me...or give me advise like i used to have...I can understand how Esjay have been going through...(at least he still got his best frenz) cuz we are in the same boat...though different scenerio..

Everything seems to go upside down...

Life simply sux...!!!

At one point i have always wanted to graduate early...to step in to the working force...start my own company...fulfill my dream..reach my million plan target...I've set targets for myself sicne young...and have acomplished it smoothly till college...then Uni...I grow to realised...sometimes I cant change fate...No matter how much i wanna change my life...and get it plan...I cant control my surrounding things that happen...now at this turning point...I feel so 'sick'...I dread the feeling of not being able to acheive my plans...my dreams...cuz of all the hurdles and hinderance....

Been to lots of Interviews....Those that i wanted...all say so impressed abt this tt...yet cant accept me cuz i'm still not a blah blah...I HATE NTU....If not for the inflexible system and rule...I cld jolly well ****...haiz...Dun say le..Not that I cant do well...but i'm forced to have other committments...For goodness sake..if i can jus fully concentrate on one thing alone...who cant do well...haiz...I dun wish to explain further...No pt saying all this...

Rejected some jobs as well, cuz I know i wont enjoy doing plus my parents too.. Then there are Lots of insurance company tt called me cuz i open my CV online haiz but i'm not interested plus my parents are strongly against. Yes yes..My parents wld comment tt this job no good tt no good...then on the other hand keep pressurising me to find a job soon...then daddy keep nagging at me...ask me do this do tt...They feel that i'm wasting my time away not doing anything....but pls lor...I'm not rotting at home... I've sent tons n tons of resume out...and have been brushing up my flash n web skills...Duh...Darn...i have unsupportive parents....

They make me feel so lousy n useless...Everyday, i have been asked to be chauffer to drive my bro to camp n mummy around. I hate it...I hate having my life being manipulated this way...I mean i dun mind driving pple ard...but they make it like I'm useless fool...so this is the least i muz do...and after doing all i can...being at everyone's command...I'm still catagorised as USELESS!!! Wat the ****!!! ya ya...my brother is always the best...yes he's smart....he's capable..he's always right..but why are there always such comparision....

Then i went to get medical treatment for my knee n ankle. Doc wld advise me to undergo operation. I refused! Lots of reason behind it of course... So went to the chinese sinshi...got my knees bandage with some herbs...Spent alot of $$...haiz...i wish i can get a job soon...be it a PT job...

I jus dun wanna stay at home n face my parents n feels that i'm a useless bum...I wanna regain my confidence....my cheerfulness...I have not been hanging out with my frenz...cuz I dun wanna spend money...cuz my parents oredi feel that i'm a useless bum...so i dun wan them to feel that i'm wasting money too...I lost all my contacts...My PC crashed...no one is helping...but it's ok..I have myself to depend on...Mock on me if u want...say i'm silly..do it now..if not u wont have the chance in future...

Now working hard on my biz proposal...Jus wait and see...I'm not useless...I'm jus at the pit now...I'm jus down on luck...It's ok that i dont have any support now...I'll prove to the world...in time to come...Laugh at me now...it's ok...I have nothing to show now...so wat can i say....nothing but tolerate in silence...but just wait...I believe with determination and my talent, i'll make my mark somehow...

There's always Ups and Downs in life...When u are at ur pit...U are bound to come up again! Everything happens for a reason, unfortunate things happen but it's often a blessing in disguise for there's always rainbow after the rain and sunshine after the dark clouds. God make me go through life the harder way, but I know it's for the better. I wont give up!!!

"NEVER SAY DIE" *Roar*